Here’s to new beginnings

I definitely knew that I should check in to write an update but then I got lazy and inertia set in. So a few weeks ago, I actually was offered and accepted a job and I was so relieved and completely happy. It’s with a company that I was pretty keen on– I liked the manager, I liked the small feel of the company and it seems like a place where I will definitely work hard and hopefully have a good time.

Still going

So it’s been some time since I last posted. No big announcements but I continue along the job search. I had a really good series of interviews last week and they seemed to appreciate my skillset so we’ll see how things go with that. After Thanksgiving, I feel like I lost a lot of motivation– not out of frustration but merely b/c it seems like this year is rolling to a close and there isn’t a lot more that I can do to search for a job. This isn’t totally true– things are still being posted so I know that I really can’t throw in the towel yet. But my instinct definitely is to lay in bed and read books until things start up in the next calendar year.

So tired

So it’s Monday, after a 4 day weekend– which felt like just any other week for me since I don’t exactly have work to punctuate my days. Today was kind of jarring as I had to go up to SF to meet with a staffing agency. Now, I know that any effort is worthwhile which is why I went up, but I don’t really expect a whole lot to come of it.Thankfully, I was able to have lunch with a college friend which was nice. But really, at this point, still jobless and having had three interviews the three days before Thanksgiving (two of which I’ve already been rejected for and/or are imminent, I feel), I’m JUST SO TIRED. My right eye has been twitching for the past few weeks, I think from the stress potentially. And I just wanna, I dunno, I just wanna crawl into a little nook and enjoy the next month and really take it up next year.

Living at home is the worst

Whereas I know that I’m lucky to be able to live at my parents’ home, rent free, while I find a job, I have to be honest: this is really killing me. Generally speaking, most people spend their college years growing out of the confined life that they previously lived, hopefully never to return again. Thus, the saying: you can never go home again.

Considering this is my anonymous blog, I know that I can be honest while still retaining a certain measure of privacy. But it’s really hard admitting how much I hate my parents and my family as a whole– it’s not the PC thing to do and it’s not really ok to say that you hate the people that raised you. All you’re supposed to say is that they did the best that they could and that you have to appreciate what they were able to do for you.  Life could have been way worse and you should feel happy about what they were able to provide to you. And generally speaking, I guess I am.

The worst part of the job search

So I’m currently sitting at my desk, waiting for a recruiter that was supposed to call at 3 pm. It’s now about 3:15 pm. I never know when to call it quits 100%. I figure I’ll contribute a bit to my blog. I think by 3:20, it’s clear that the call probably isn’t going to happen. I’ve spoken with this recruiter before and she’s usually on top of things so I’m going to assume extenuating circumstances have led to me being stood up.

One of the worst things about having a gap in your resume is people ask you “What have you been doing since your last job?” It’s an innocuous question and half the time, I don’t know what they are expecting the candidate to say. I don’t know if I’m reading too much into the question, but sometimes it seems like they assume that you’re sitting around eating butterscotch, waiting for a job just to drop into your lap.

Shutterfly sucks

So I spent a couple of hours writing a letter to Shutterfly, the photobook and card company in Redwood City, CA. I won’t go into explaining it– posted the whole letter below– but was convinced by two friends that sending it would do no good. However, posting it for anybody to see– now, that would be satisfying on many levels. I have removed names but here is the letter in its full glory:

Dear Shutterfly:

I am taking the risk of writing and sending you this letter, without a sense of where it may get shared within the company or personal repercussions, because I recently had a poor experience involving my application for an open role. However, my goal in this letter is not to complain about the team or about my experience specifically but rather to highlight the unintended impact of poor treatment of job candidates.

Back on it

So I am now going to write about my very long week during a very long day (yay extra hour!) I went to a Halloween party last night and wow, this 33 year old cannot do that anymore. I feel ok right now but that’s after some vomiting that occurred around the 8 am hour. Also, being Asian– it’s tough going to these things because inevitably you end up talking to these so very adorable, so very young guys (who think you are their age b/c young or old, Asian people never seem to look their age) and it always makes me wonder: where were you guys (or guys like you) when I was young and looking for love??? I think I might have given my number to a 24 year old which kind of bums me out. From what I remember of the conversation, I think I was trying to strongly hint that we were not at all in the same age bracket.

Post-breakdown post

So I will be absolutely honest with you: I’ve had a really tough week, feeling tired and run down. And then yesterday, for reasons that aren’t totally clear to me, I cried. Like, a lot. During awkward moments: driving to the library. Watching tv. It’s pretty much out of my system but I feel that really hollow, exhausted way that you feel after you’ve had a big cry.

Front-front-cha-cha-cha

So like the cha cha, I’m going a little bit forward and a little bit backward (but with great style!) Had some more interviews in the past week and feel positive about my performance. But still no offer. One company asked for my references 2-3 weeks ago and then nothing so I guess I have to say that one was close but no cigar. I’ve had some nice, esteem boosting conversations with friends who tell me, you haven’t gotten an offer but you’ve made it really close which means that you have *something* and you just have to push it all the way through and make the sale.

Friends and/or enemies

So first off, I wanna say that the graphic that I am using alongside this post is awesome. If you do a google search for “friends and enemies” you’ll find it. How cool that friends, when flipped, can look like the word enemies.

Also, I just watched “The View” (a nice side perk of being unemployed) and one of the guests mentioned this quote, which I think is relevant to what I am going to write about in this post: “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” It’s by Martin Luther King, Jr.

So being unemployed is tough. It’s tough financially (though that is not as pressing on me these days). It’s tough psychologically– you feel worthless and battered. And I think what’s worse is that you are kind of at the mercy of everything and everybody. The recruiter that never contacts you to deliver the final blow (it’s like euthanasia– be cruel to be kind, peoples!). The people in your network that you reach out to that conveniently never respond (after I get a job, I will be doing a lot of defriending, I’m serious). You feel like a beggar and it’s the worst, most vulnerable feeling ever.