Google (the opposite of) hearts me

So no happy news for this end of the week. I was just rejected by Google, my former employer for 3.5 years, for a contract role that I had interviewed for. It really kind of smarts, this one, b/c I really wonder who they are going with; my value proposition throughout the process is that I am familiar with the company, have successfully done big projects and could easily jump in and out and get it done. To be honest, the entire time, I was a little bit suspicious about whether they were even going to fill the position, given some information that I found after the fact. It wasn’t my dream job but it was one that I thought was symbiotic for all involved. I feel really tired and kind of weepy and I am guessing that this could be a nice trigger for calling it a day and relaxing.

This week has been pretty awful. I had some interviews though– so it’s not like it was unproductive. But shoot– I am still unemployed and every interview that doesn’t work out for whatever reason makes me feel worse and worse about myself and what I can do professionally. I don’t know whether it’s me or if it’s the roles I’m going after or what. I had the chance to talk to my friend, who had been a peer career coach while in bschool, and she gave me some tips for what to say and not to say when doing interviews since another friend mentioned that my resume is good, I am a good performer so really the problem has to be (has to be!) the interview. Maybe it is. Maybe I am doing it all wrong. I don’t know what to say or do at this point.

I technically do still have irons in the fire and I continue, as always, to feed the pipeline, applying for more stuff.  But it is just exhausting to constantly prepare and be hopeful and not get bogged down by the rejection. It’s hard not to take it personally. It’s hard not to think that the world is ending that that your life is going straight down the pooper. It’s hard not to engage in real life with others b/c nobody wants to hear you constantly whining and complaining and venting about how tough the job search is. I feel really sad and alone and hopeless. There’s no bright spot in my life at all.

What a waste.

— DOA

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