I’m doing something wrong

I think all of my friends are sick of me venting and complaining about the frustrations of job searching so my only solace is this blog. (I can’t blame them, though, but I just feel like I’m really losing outlets b/c of this prolonged unemployment.) So today’s post is really just a massive rant to wrap up this week before I watch the People’s Court.

I’m doing something wrong. I have to be. I am absolutely going about this search the wrong way. I am not as smart or talented as I think I am. I have wasted my time in my career to this point b/c I never seem to have the right skills or background for any job that I am applying to. I am an old chicken and nobody wants me. I am ugly. Oh, and also: I smell.

Ok, maybe not all of that is what I really think or feel. But still: I can’t help but think there is something seriously wrong. Nearly all of my classmates have gotten themselves professionally sorted. Granted, some (if not many) are indifferent or unhappy in their current roles– but at the very least, they are learning and earning a paycheck and don’t constantly have to scroll job boards, prep for interviews and face persistent rejection. Some are even on job #2 post graduation. And technically I am too, but my last role was not a FT gig so I just feel so unsteady and unloved and unwanted and yucky.

I just never, not before, during or immediately after bschool, thought that I’d struggle this much looking for a job. I have a pretty solid work history, having held roles at notable companies. Birds of a feather, at the very least? I have degrees from good schools. I have studied and worked abroad. I have a portfolio of work: I am creative and a great writer. Honestly: I just don’t know why I cannot convince any company to take a chance on me!

Am I stretching too much? Maybe. There is a fine balance in where you sit in the ecosystem. I’ve been told, when applying and interviewing for lower level positions, not to sell myself short. You’re smart, I’ve been told, don’t reach too low. I’ve been told that other candidates have had more and relevant work experience. In those cases, I guess I should feel blessed that I’m even given a shot to pitch myself but at the end of the day, I’m not competitive compared to my cohorts and I’ve reached too high.

Am I overthinking the importance of experience? Maybe. I told my former coworker today that one thing I think hurts me in this job search is my age. In my 30s, I am not a spring chicken and employers seem to prefer young, non-experienced candidates rather than ones with experience so that they can guide and mold them– at least that’s what it seems. So in some ways, waiting to get experience before heading to bschool might have been a mistake.

Am I overconfident or otherwise misaligned in my perception of my skills and talents? Maybe. Sometimes I wonder if I am going after the wrong jobs. Maybe I’m not that smart or maybe I’m not good at my area of focus. You can’t fault a person for dreaming and striving. But when they are unsuccessful, maybe that’s when they should realize: this isn’t their cup of tea. Is this why I can’t land a job? I don’t know. I’m not good at a lot of things but I’m thinking the thing I am going after: I AM good at this.

Do I suck when I interview? Maybe. I am reasonably articulate and I have my “stories” ready to go. I would imagine I’m ok in my interviews but maybe I just suck and I have no idea how terribly I come across in person. Maybe I have facial tics that I’m unaware of. Or Tourettes. Or maybe I smell. Maybe I go into every interview with the word “Loser” written on my forehead in marker and I just don’t know.


Powering off. Weekend has officially begun.



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